I am finding my way as I go on my quest to be my true self. I am a trans woman and have been on HRT a while now. I am still figuring out exactly what it means to be my true self. I get out quite a bit and try to not draw the wrong attention. I have learned that you can still be very feminine in women's casual attire, and when it is ok to dress sexy. To me, being feminine is a state of mind and more than just wearing clothes, although it is a great part of it. I truly feel different and allow myself to think and feel like a woman when I am able to present how I like, and I am a bit of a girly girl. I believe passing as a woman in public has far more to do with attitude and mannerisms than actual looks. Not all women are beauty queens, and faulting ourselves for not reaching that high bar is just limiting and self detrimental.
When I first started going out, I remember many times I did not make it past the door because something was not perfect. I don't worry or stress as much now, and I get out more often and enjoy myself more when I do. The process of getting ready, putting on makeup, lingerie and clothes should be fun whether it is to just sit around the house or venture out in the world. My advice is to not ruin the pleasure of the process by over critiquing the results. Allow yourself to enjoy simply being the woman on the outside you are on the inside. Don't fault yourself for small imperfections, they are what make you your most beautiful. Your fear will be your greatest self-limiter, learn to take small steps to conquer those fears. Maybe today you just open the door but tomorrow you stand in that door, soon you will feel confident enough to step outside. The exhilaration of your accomplishment is something to acknowledge and literally the first steps to being who you want to be in the world.
Feeling that I am truly a woman inside has been a part of me as long as I can remember. I have fought it and relented, shamed myself, loved myself - rinse and repeat many times over. I imagine I am not alone in this cycle, and some girls like me probably know exactly what that is like. Accepting myself for who I am has gone a long way in my own growth. I have accepted myself as a trans woman and not a cross dresser. There is a distinct difference in mind set for me to know this and that has been a freeing experience for me. More recently, I have decided to put some of my needs first. This has led me to seek out a little professional help to learn how to do that and not feel badly for doing so. There is no shame in sitting down with someone that can help you acknowledge your own feelings.
Deciding to start HRT has been a huge decision, and I admit to being scared of what still lies ahead. I know it will not be easy, particularly with people close to me. I fear loneliness and rejection the most. However, eventually, this path leads to a place of happiness and the ability to exist in the world how I feel I am on the inside. I have already found that there is a profound elation as you start on the path of transition, followed by a very deep low. If you experience this, push through, it does get better. But, find at least one person in your corner, it might be an online friend, a support group or someone you already know. This is not something that can be done completely alone. Someone needs to be there to tell you that you are okay, and you are doing great when it all seems too difficult. Let me be the first and please take this to heart --- you have got this girl, you are brave and you are awesome! You have accomplished so much just knowing who you are. I am proud of you! Hang in there, you may not see me, but I am on the path with you and everything is going to work out.
If you see me online, I like to chat with other girls like me and people with an open mind and who are friendly. Even if I am in the adult side of chat, I am NOT into role play or fetish. This is not a fantasy persona, this is the real me and these are my real pictures, unfiltered, untouched. Please be respectful, I have real feelings. Please understand that it took a lot to post pictures of my true self. If you don't have a picture, I might not respond, and I will not accept your friend request. If you are local, after I get to know you, I might even meet the right person for coffee, a drink or a bite to eat and share some laughs. I am not looking for cyber, anything sexual or any type of relationship, I am just looking for platonic friends and I hope to meet some here.