SCC(2nd part)

Sunday, October 5
Awwww…..it’s now Sunday…the last day at SCC. Sadly, time to say goodbye…and yes, that was a difficult thing to do, just as I had read about in friends’ blog from previous SCC events. And yes, I did cry, in private…though, while packing when Tracy was in the room packing also, the tears appeared…but we gave each other a good long hug and that helped. Tracy, thank you for allowing me to share your room! Friends forever, girlfriend!! ((HUGS)) So, being the last day, of course meant: “Travel Day”! Which, for me at least, meant traveling as Kelli…and, after my successful trip to Atlanta, and with the past 5 days’ worth of accumulated experiences as Kelli—OMG it was JUST so WONDERFUL to JUST BE ME!!---I felt very confident that the return trip would be just as successful. But first: Packing! Or, should I say “stuffing”….and, then, I couldn’t get the big bag zipper to close! But, eventually, superior strength and determination won out. Tracy and I then went down for breakfast. What a sweet girl Tracy is…and no, not just because she bought my breakfast. For letting me stay with her, that’s an obvious one…but also, most importantly, for “being there”, and sharing her life with me during this MOST AMAZING of times in my life! And, as this was Tracy’s first time at SCC, I would suspect she shared similar feelings towards me. After breakfast we went back upstairs to finish packing. But then I remembered that there was some kind of “wrap up” meeting, and I’d thought it was open to any attendee…looking at my handy-dandy SCC booklet, and yes, it was! I thought this would be a nice way to end my time here, so down to the meeting I went. Tracy was still packing, and she had to leave for the airport around noonish, so she didn’t come with, but I was sure we’d be able to say goodbye after the meeting. Well, as it turned out, I missed her…sigh. But, that’s ok, we had a good talk before breakfast, and during breakfast too, so the bond of friendship is there. (and we chatted the next day on YIM, so it’s all cool) Ok, so I arrive at the meeting late…and, I notice my friend Leslie sitting behind the main tables, waving me in….yay, someone familiar and friendly(not that I found anyone who wasn’t friendly my whole time there…well, there were a few girls who, I don’t think it wasn’t being “friendly”, I just think they were nervous—perfectly understandable…and, after I would tell them that this was my first SCC, that seemed to help them relax, at least with me…). Everyone was introducing themselves, and telling what they enjoyed(and sometimes, disliked) about their time at SCC, and some offered suggestions to possibly make next years event an even better one. I noticed a few girls I was familiar with—Allyson, Leslie of course, Sandy Dunkle, a few others. Eventually, it was my turn to “Say Hello”, and, although I’m not an accomplished speaker(especially in front of a group) or anything, I think I did OK…I just thanked SCC for the opportunity, and of course, for the scholarship(and, not long after the meeting was over, Blake Alford, SCC’s scholarship director, came over with his business card, and a warm hug, personifying exactly what it was like to be there: Friendship, Harmony and Love—Celebrating LIFE!)…and also, thanking my friends—4 girls in particular: My “anonymous plane ticket benefactor”, and my roomies, Bridgett and Tracy, and also Chloe Prince, who, over those 5 days, became someone truly special in my life…truly, a “Sister” for life ( HUGS, Sweetie!!)…and, of course, I thanked my wife. I thought of her often during my time in Atlanta. Without her being in my life…where would I be today?? Not long after my “speech”, in walked the one and only Chloe! As the introductions were still going, I went over to talk(ok, whisper) to her…knowing we’d both be leaving Atlanta soon, so it was time to say “so long”…but not before one last hug(oh ok, 3), and also, more words of advice, and encouragement from her. I think she was almost as proud of my accomplishments here, and traveling, as I was! “Big Sister/Little Sister” indeed.

My flight didn’t leave until 4pm, so I had some time to get my bags, check out, and mingle some. (It was interesting that morning, in seeing some girls now in drab…and, for some, I REALLY had to think…”Is that…??” Wow!) For some reason, I forgot about lunch. (Yeah right, Kells ) I had some nice conversations in the lobby. But, I was also trying to figure out how I was going to pay for my big bag, because I knew it was going to be overweight, and they would tack on a $50 charge…and, I had around $35 on me…what to do, what to do. I did ask a couple of girls if they could help, but they couldn’t—either almost out of money themselves, or needing what they had to get home…all perfectly understandable. So it came time to leave the hotel. Sigh. As I was waiting for the shuttle to take to the nearby MARTA station, I met 2 lovely and sweet girls, Kelly and Jia. Kelly was there as a representative of Dr. Pierre Brassard, the well-known GRS surgeon from Montreal, and actually she said she did the seminar for him, since he couldn’t make it this year. She was very sweet, and gave me one of Dr. Brassard’s dvds. I also struck up a conversation with Jia, who I later learned was also from Illinois! We sat together on the train, and I had the most pleasant time with Jia…someone I would definitely like to stay in contact with. And, she helped me keep my mind off of feeling sad, leaving SCC and Atlanta. Thank you Jia!!

Ok, so this is where things get a bit “interesting”…not that my whole time up to this point wasn’t interesting…FAAAARRRR from it! But, this time, flying back home…and, I totally realized it after I got home and thought about this day…was a tremendous morale and confidence booster, and I was actually(a very rare thing for me) very proud of myself! Arriving at the ticket counter, with Jia, I placed my checked(not officially yet though) bag on their(Delta) weight scale thingy—“Ding Ding—68 lbs.!!”(silly thing, it shouldn’t say that outloud!! ) Which, meant it was now 18 lbs. overweight(I think I lost 18 lbs. while in Atlanta, hehe), and, now they needed $50 for the overweight charge…well, I only had $36(Oh, come on now, Delta, can’t you see WHY this bag is so huge?! SCC! Heloooo!!). And, Jia was about out of money herself…so, she suggested to find another bag and maybe they’d allow 2 carry-ons….but, after searching a bit at a nearby store, we couldn’t find any…and, then, out of the blue, 2 more fellow SCC’ers happened to walk by. Maybe they saw concern in my face(I really didn’t want to throw things away at this point to get under the weight limit, and besides, I’m in the busiest airport in the world, and I really don’t want to open my suitcase and rummage through….), and the girl(sigh…I still can’t remember her name…and, though her friend gave me his business card, and I wrote to him last week, thanking him(and his friend) for helping me, and asking what his friend’s name is…I haven’t heard back from him yet…so, for now, it’s just “the girl who helped me”. ) suggested we go to a nearby U.S. Postal store and stuff a couple of boxes…great idea—just as long as it costs less than $36, cause that’s all I had. Well, as it turned out, I didn’t need to worry about that part, since she said she’d take care of it…and, that’s another reason I need to contact her, I gotta pay her back! So(and by this time Jia had to catch her plane—thank you SO much for helping me, Jia!!) we went into the postal store, hurriedly made a couple of boxes, stuffed them full of shoes, books and a few clothes, taped them up(and actually, she did most of the work)…and, just as she was taping up the boxes, I looked at the clock—Ooooh, it’s 3:30!! My plane takes off at 3:55! OOOOPS!! She said “GO GO, I’ll take care of this….”, and I thanked her, then off I scooted to the ticket counter. Yay, the bag now weighed 49 lbs(we had weighed it in the postal store)--whew! Boo, I was too late…the bag wouldn’t make it in time.

So…..now, what to do? Well, now I had to go around to the other side to a different set of ticket agents, and, after waiting in line about 15 minutes(ya, I was starting to get tired), I tried to book a seat on a new flight, or actually, change flights, since it was already paid for….well, for one, there were no seats available on the 3 flights to St. Louis that day, and, yes, they charge $50 to change tickets…BIG double sigh. They said check back every half hour or so. Ok…sure….what other choice did I have? Well, first of all, I still needed $14 to pay for the $50 charge…so, without a debit card or any other source of money available… OH wait! I have my wits about me still! And, I’m Kelli, which means…well, let’s just say, people are more willing, I believe, to help women in need(I’m somewhat guessing there)—you know, a “damsel in distress”. Anyway, I went back to the central atrium area, and sat for awhile…but right before I sat down, I quickly scanned the area, hoping to find someone(s) who, maybe, just maybe might possibly be sympathetic, and possibly give me enough money(all I needed was $14!) to change the ticket. Yeah, I know, this sounds desperate, and, well, I was getting desperate, but I didn’t want to sound or look desperate… I noticed 2 women, probably around my age, and I thought, “Well, I gotta try something…” So, after a few minutes(after first saying hello), I began to introduce myself and then explain my situation. Well, within seconds(not kidding), the 2 women(2 more angels this day!) gave me $14. Of course, I wanted get their names to pay them back…but, they said not to worry. So, I thanked them, and hugged them too, and went back to the counter. Still no luck, all booked. I went back again to sit for awhile—same spot, and waited for awhile, and talked to those 2 nice women for a bit again. (Now I SO wish I could have received an e-mail address or something from them…but, oh well.) Then I went back again to the counter, and to a different agent. Still the same answer: No seats available. But, this person, a sweet lady, kept trying…and, after a few minutes, she said she found a seat! Yay!! As she was typing up the ticket info, I was mentioning to her my situation, that I only had $50 to get home, plus I mentioned the parking situation(needing another $60 or so…) back in St. Louis….and, I guess, she felt sorry for me, because she then said, “Forget about the fee, just go catch your flight, don’t worry about it.” Can you believe it?? I still can’t…but, it actually happened, and now, I had $50! But I still needed that, and a bit more, to pay for the parking in STL. But I was HUNGRY too, and, being that my new flight wasn’t for another 3 hours, and knowing there wouldn’t be much offered (cookies or peanuts—btw, I thought peanuts were banned on flights now, because of the allergens…guess not!) on that flight, I broke down and bought some fries at Wendy’s, and a drink. Now I could at least relax a bit, get some “nourishment”, and then think about what to do next(the parking situation). (Sorry this is so detailed, and no doubt tedious…but, it’s all a part of my first time out, at least traveling-wise, as Kelli, and really, I feel that I wouldn’t have been as successful in receiving help that day, if I were traveling as youknowwho…as you will see, again, on my flight home.)

Now, it was time to head to and through security. Ooops, I forgot my 3 oz. baggie! Thank goodness they had free ones near the checkpoint. Security, of course, was one place I was concerned about, at least somewhat, since I still have that “M” on my ID(drivers license)…but, coming down to ATL wasn’t a problem at all…and, this time turned out the same way! (I do wonder though, what each specific agent was thinking….) So, I gathered my stuff, put my sandals back on, and away I went to my designated concourse. SHEEESH Hartsfield/Jackson is HUGE!! They do have a cool tram to each concourse, but I decided to walk(helps to have those long moving sidewalks). I arrive at my gate about 3 hours prior to liftoff(OH, I would love to be the first transgender space tourist!! “All” I need is 20 million smackerooooos! Hmmm…maybe if I find just a few more “angels”….). Wasn’t much to do to pass that time away….I didn’t want to eat any more, since now I was down to around $46….there was a game on tv, but it was the Cowboys(boring!)….I could add to my journal, or do some reading, or call/text people on my phone….I decided to do the latter, while people watching(and, watching if people were watching me, hehe ). Yes, I called Jeannie. She was doing ok she said, and just about to receive another meal brought in from her church, and of course, I told her I would be a lil late. After awhile, I needed to use the facilities…yes, for “normal” reasons, but also because I hadn’t shaved my face since around 10am, and even though my beard doesn’t grow all that fast, I just felt like I needed it done. So, finding a stall, I scootched my carry-on in, and then proceeded to sit down and…shave too. (Try and picture that scene. ) I didn’t stop on the way out to wash my hands(that’s what Wet Ones are for!) and check my face—I’m still a bit concerned around “gg’s”, especially in that type of situation…in time, I’ll get better…plus, there were pre-teen girls in there, and they might say something to their mother’s, etc…. I sat back at the waiting area, as another hour passed…and then got in line for my seat assignment---yes, one more concern, since my boarding pass said “seat unassigned”, I guess since this was an exchanged ticket…so, even though I had the ticket… But, everything was fine, my seat was 37B…ok, that’s fine, I guess. It turned out to be 2nd to last row….ok no problem…but, when I got back there, and tried to place my carry-on in the bin above—it wouldn’t fit. Panic!! Well, ok, I didn’t panic, but I quickly thought, “if I have to check this bag….(you know, the $50 charge for an extra checked bag, and I didn’t have that much cash…)….” (Btw, remind me never to travel again without enough money! ) But, once again, another angel came to my rescue, as a flight attendant eventually, after a few tries, found a spot for it “mid-ship”. Whew!! I then sat for a few minutes in the last row, just to rest a bit, and also to think about this: I noticed my assigned seat was between to men…and, although I had been fine traveling as Kelli so far, I hadn’t run into this type of situation yet—sitting between to men, as a girl, and my first time…. So, eventually the folks where I was sitting arrived, so I had to get to my seat. This is where it gets interesting…again. >wink<
Do you ever wonder why? Do you ever wonder, when things do go well, why it happens? I do. Maybe because life this past year or so hasn’t been all that great. My wife has cancer—although we hope now it is “had” cancer. And, concerns about paying the medical bills…along with the property taxes. We dealt through a bankruptcy. The “daily dealings” (what that does to my wife and her feelings, I mean…but, also just with simple things like, going grocery shopping, buying gas, etc., and wondering if I will get “those looks”, or something else—though I guess it does “help” some that I’m more in an androgynous stage vs. fully looking feminine, especially living here, in Podunkville, where most people know me….) of me, as I inch along with my transitioning. And along with that, our plans to split-up and divorce eventually. And, coming out to various people. A LOT on both of our plates. So, when good things happen, it’s kinda shocking. And, I must say, almost everything good happened to me on this trip---and, it’s a good thing, because I NEEDED everything to go well, just to make it home! So, now I’m sitting between 2 men---hopefully gentlemen! The man on my right never said a word to me the whole time in the plane(around 90 minutes). But, thankfully, the man on my left, in the window seat, was just the opposite of that. I believe the word “gregarious” fits him perfectly—in every positive sense of that word…in other words, he talked to the folks in front of us, the folks behind us, the flight attendants…but, most importantly, he was friendly and nice to me. “Hi, I’m Terry….” “Hi, I’m Kelli….” Eventually I began talking about my wife, and her recent troubled times with her illness. And, I’m sure he heard the “my wife” part, I had said that several times over the course of around, oh, the first 45 minutes of our conversation(we weren’t constantly talking the whole time…but, when we weren’t, I was wondering what he was thinking…and, also wondering if he was glancing at my chest…well, hey, I had never sat this close, for this long, to a man before, dressed as Kelli…). But, he never seemed changed expression or give any hint of curiosity. Eventually he related why he was on the flight—he was heading to Nigeria to visit an online girlfriend…I kid you not!(And, I thought I was “crazy”, driving 300 miles to go meet Jeannie when we began dating, after meeting online ) But, he forgot his visa...so, he had to return home to the St. Louis area. I felt for the guy…and, I hope that they can someday get together. Not long after that, he asked me what brought me to Atlanta. And, I really didn’t hesitate at all. I’m just SO tired of hiding who I am, having to be careful, etc. I will keep doing that, for Jeannie’s sake, and for mine too, if I believe my safety might be of concern. But he seemed the sort who wouldn’t mind…and yes, I was taking a chance, especially since I still planned to ask him for help with my parking situation. “I was in Atlanta for a convention of transgender people…yes, I am transgendered.” He then said that he had no problem with that, and everyone has to live their lives as they see fit…. I was SO relieved! He then said he was curious after hearing me say “my wife”….but he was cool about it. So, not long after that, and feeling more confident TO ask for help, I explained my parking situation, and that I needed around $20. Out of the kindness of his heart, he gave me $40! SUCH a sigh of relief came over me! I’m breaking into tears now just thinking about it, as I did then. I said I would pay him back, and he said that’s fine, take your time, and gave me his business card. So, yes, once again, another angel entered my life that day. Several times, until we parted, he would say “young lady….” when speaking to me, or “this little lady….” when speaking to someone else… and I thought that was pretty cool too. He even pulled my carry-on to the luggage carousel. I thanked him again, and then we parted ways. So, yes, once again, another angel entered my life that day!

Well, the rest of the way, it was just catching the shuttle to the parking area, paying the attendant, and driving the 60 miles home—hoping that the car would make it without breaking down! It did…but I didn’t---not break down I mean. Maybe I’m exaggerating about this…being still so close since I was away, but I really think that this was…maybe with the exception of time when I knew I had fallen in love with Jeannie, and she felt the same for me….the best time of my life! And, as time will tell, possibly the most important week of my life. Definitely one of the proudest times! I really did this….I went to SCC! And, I traveled there and back as Kelli! And, I had no problems, with either situation…besides the low cash flow of course. But that’s the thing: I had to keep calm, cool and collected while trying to find a way home—as Kelli…and, although I had obviously not planned to have such a difficult time going home, I think I learned some valuable lessons along the way. (One, that it pays to be a girl sometimes---I’m serious, because I really believe if I were traveling as Kirby, I would not have been as successful with all the people I encountered that day who helped me get home. Maybe I’m wrong there, but I don’t think so, and besides, I don’t plan on traveling in male mode anymore anyway. ) The main lesson learned? Be confident in who you are! Leading up to going to SCC, that’s what my friends kept telling me—“Just be confident, Kelli, and that will help you in so many ways…..” And, it’s so true! Jeannie was in bed by the time I arrived home. Still awake though, and she was happy I was home safely. I wanted to let her get her rest, so I related my “travel travails” the next day. I know she can never be as proud of me as I felt about myself that day, and that’s ok, it’s perfectly understandable, but maybe, deep down, she thinks what I did was “OK”. For once in my life, I was proud of myself!! A good beginning to hopefully a good, and successful new life.

Where do I go from here? Well, for one, finish this blog! Hehe…sorry for the length(if anyone is still with me—Thank you Thank you!! ), but I had to express what happened during that most wonderful of times! Wow, it’s 2 weeks almost to the minute now since I left home…a time I know I will never ever forget. And, I must re-thank all of those angels who helped me experience this “New Beginning”. First, my wife—for all the obvious reasons. Secondly, “my friend who wishes to remain anonymous”(wasn’t that Prince’s name back in the 90’s? ), who purchased(let me use her miles, actually) the plane ticket. I obviously can’t post her link here, but maybe this "Friendship" will be a good representation of her, and our friendship. Next, Bridgett Sommers, my first roomie---and, what a lovely girl she is. Here’s just one sample . Love you, girl, thank you!! ((HUGS)) And next, Tracy Schapes, my Saturday roomie—one of the sweetest people I met in Atlanta(good thing, eh?? )! Love you too, girl! ((HUGS)) Chloe Prince , who probably doesn’t need an introduction, but she does have my love for a lifetime. Thank you, Sister!! ((HUGS)) And another friend, who couldn’t be there, is Samantha, a friend from California, who has been SUCH a good friend the past couple of months, with her always kind words of love and encouragement—and, clothes! Thank you SO much, sweetie(and your friend Sammi too!)!! ((HUGS)) And, Candice, whom I already knew from URNA, but I had wanted to meet for quite awhile, not only because of the obvious reasons, but also because she’s been such a sweetheart with her concern about my wife…as she has went through similar times recently with her wife. Love you so much, sweetie! ((HUGS)) Oh, and of course, the many other friends I met while at SCC! Oh gosh…Michelle, Deja, Gina, Debbie, Sandy, Cheryl, Leslie, Rachel, Danielle, Rebecca, Tara, Cami, Kim, Bonnie, Christianne, Ronnie, Keri, Mandi, Shawna, Allyson, Kelly, Jia, Lee & Friend(at the airport)….and, many many more!! Love you girls!! ((HUGS)) Oh, and yes, Larry, my friend from Canada—thank you, hon! Oh, and of course, everyone involved with SCC—the staff, the volunteers(I hope to be one next year!), and especially Blake Alford, for offering the scholarship! ((HUGS)) Oh, and the hotel and staff at the lovely Crowne Plaza-Ravinia! And, yes, I DO plan to stay at your fine establishment next year—and hopefully next time paying my own way. >wink< All those involved with the seminars…and specifically for me, Donna Rose, Jessica McKinnon and Jennifer Boylan…all amazing, all inspiring….just amazing. And thanks to everyone at the Vendor area(all SO friendly—sorry I couldn’t buy anything—next year!), and also the people at the Career Fair. Hopefully by next year I’ll be better able to use your services….unless I have new job/career going by then of course. Oh, and all who were so very accommodating over at the Perimeter Mall—at the restaurants(Yay, Hudson Grille and Goldfish!), at the stores(Yay, Charlotte Russe and Arden B.!). Oh, and of course, last but certainly not least—Delta Air! I think I have a new favorite airline. Oh, and I must thank all of those online girlfriends, who couldn’t be in Atlanta, but encouraged me to have a great time, and LIVE life as the girl in my heart. Love you girls!! And, one more thank you: To Jessica, my best friend: I know you wanted to be there with me, and with “the girls” (next year, girl!)…but believe in yourself, honey, and believe that things will get better…with your health, with your career, with your parents…and hey, with your love life too! Go for it, girlfriend!! Love you SO much! ((HUGS))

Well, now I’m a “veteran”, not only of the SCC experience, but of being out in the world as Kelli. Of course, I know that I have a LONG way to go before I am completely comfortable in the world as Kelli…and, the world comfortable with me too. But I am heading, finally, in the right direction. I am very excited, and, much more confident in myself, and really, in others too, especially those in the general population. I know I won’t always be as fortunate as I was, in my travels that week, but then again, the confidence I did gain will be invaluable, as I continue along my journey. I must admit here, that I was humbled, very much, by the amazingly gorgeous, sophisticated and intelligent(and fun-loving!) girls I met while at SCC. Now, yes, I know, this isn’t some type of contest(though maybe it is for some, and that’s ok) to “be the best girl at the party”…and, that certainly wasn’t why I wanted to attend this event. And, this is just me talking, but given my history of low self-confidence(for many reasons), I did sometimes feel I wasn’t quite "there" yet, that I wasn’t quite “cool enough”…and yes, being with that many girls all in one place at one time, at times was a bit intimidating…but, those moments didn’t last long, as I truly did feel my confidence growing, the longer I was there. But, I did learn many valuable lessons while there—most important though, truly, are the friendships made, and the love shared. YOU are the main reason I had the wonderful time I did have while at “Celebrate Life—2008!” Thank you Girls!! Thank you SCC!! What a perfect way to begin celebrating my new life!